letting go isnt easy

admitting this wont be easy, because well.. it hurt. but maybe in the end its best. or maybe in the end ill learn something from it.
yesterday i was sitting in my car when my phone rang. rosewood. maybe i was getting another shift?! so i picked it up and greeted tilly cheerfully. and was cheerful about the idea of another shift until she informed that "im not satisfied with your cooking. i think you've been given enough time in the kitchen to figure it out and im still not satisfied so you wont be needing to come back". ouch.
honestly guys, i didnt think my cooking was THAT bad but apparently it was? i still dont think it was. i asked what she ment by it and she brought up one example.
two weeks ago when i last cooked i served stewing meat. and ill admit, im not very good at telling meats apart. it doesnt help that these packages tilly buys dont come labeled. anyways, so this stewing meat was the only meat she had left to thaw in the fridge. so i had to use it. i guess it wasnt cooked for a bajillion hours like it was suppose to be cuz apparently someone complained to her that it was too tough.
but really, is that worth firing me over?!
and the fact is, everyone else that works always tells me its good. so whats the underlying motive for firing me?
and she never eats my cooking cuz we never work together...
besides, the boss isnt even around. shouldnt she be the one firing me?

anyways, this post wasnt suppose to be about me complaining about how i got fired. i accept the fact, even though it bothers me. and i came up with a bunch of plus sides to it anyways :) like the fact that now i wont have to work a sunday again :) or now i wont have to worry about getting sick there and having nobody to take my shift! because man, other than rach, they sure dont take shifts very easily! and now i wont have to see the annoying resident who complains about absolutely EVERYTHING as she sits in her little chair in the dining room, fixing her make-up and telling me i go to the bathroom too much!

i think what bothers me the most right now is that i wont be able to see my favorite resident ever again. after all, would you return to the place where you got fired just for a visit!? i dont think so.
i cant disclose her name for privacy sake and stuff but i think im allowed to tell you about her. she really was special :) she always greeted me in the morning with a "hello dear" and a huge grin on her face. she'd watch me stir her butter and salt into her bowl of oatmeal telling me "that looks good. is that for me?" and i'd always say, "yes ___, it is". and then she would eat it all up and occasionally ask for more. she never drank coffee; it always had to be tea. we shared drinking tea in common :) and then the care aids would help her to the lazy boy in the living room where she would curl up and fall asleep. id usually go help her with whatever i could when she would call out. at lunch i'd usually join her at her table, along with another care aid. and we'd talk about everything going on in our lives. and she'd always sit there eating, occasionally looking up with a smile or a short comment.
its not going to be easy not seeing her ever again. shes always going to be in my heart. always. and im glad i had the chance to meet her and have her touch my life.

of course, my pride has taken a little battering because of the whole "im not satisfied with your cooking". dan's done his share of insisiting i do know how to cook and that he's tasted many good meals from me (although he's only ever eaten three things ive made. but still... it made me happy to know he thinks im capable of it!).

im not very good at picking out the good things in bad things that happen to me. im working at it though. i guess what i want to leave you with is this: "there's ALWAYS a silver lining". always.