friends and alcohol

**edited july 6, 2009**

i realize what an "up-roar" i caused with the post that was previously posted on this page. honestly, i had no intentions of "preaching" or pushing my rules and views on any of you. i had no intentions of hurting people or making them angry, and i definitely didnt intend to put people against me or to offend anyone. after having that post up for a few weeks and getting three anonymous commenters telling me where me and my thoughts could go, i decided to remove the post.

i realize that perhaps it wasnt my business and that maybe i should have kept my mouth shut. in my defence, i had no idea you guys even read my blog. its totally fine that you do- i was merely seeking help from others who read my blog and arent directly involved in the situation.

despite the fact that im removing the post, i am not taking those opinions back. i would have brought it up to your face, (like a few of you suggested i should have done) but quite honestly i feel i would have gotten a similar response. and i didnt really have any idea how to bring it up.

i think it was rather rude to suggest to me that i need to find new friends. and it was also rude of some of you to act all nice and friendly to my face and talk bad about me behind my back. people, if your so mad at me, why are you acting like im your friend? the only person who i can say did not do this was jon. and as weird as this may sound, im glad he didnt act all friendly to my face. i mean, yea of course it hurt that he acted like that to me, but at least i knew he was mad.

michelle and i were discussing it at work and our manager over heard. she pulled me aside and said, "jess, i know that right now having all your friends upset with you and telling you to find new friends may hurt and seem like a real crappy situation. but in a few years you'll look back and be glad that it happened because from this all, you'll figure out who you can trust and who your real friends are". and you know what?! she couldnt have been more right.

to anonymous 3: sure, people come up to you and say what a nice group it is and all that nice stuff. but they dont know the inside of the group. they dont know the dirt that really happens in the group. they dont know about the back stabbing, the chosing, the gossip, the drinking, the swearing.. all that stuff. right? and yes, every group has that. but dont try to butter the group up and make them sound all innocent and perfect. nobody comes even close to that!

if you all want to remain mad at me for this- okay. i once said i didnt ever want to be on the bad side of "the group" because they could be so rude and mean. well them being rude and mean was true. however, i think perhaps being on the bad side of it for a week or however long was maybe even good for me. it made me realize what kind of people i was actually spending time with. it made me think. and it made me force myself to stand behind my words, despite the fact that it was making people angry.

all in all, i decided losing friends over this wasnt worth it- although it did make me think and realize that perhaps some of you just arent worth trying over. maybe you all should think about this: if you have no problem talking bad about someone with other people in "the group", how do you know they arent talking bad about you behind your back?!

i hope removing this post has made you all happy. honestly, deleting it made me feel shitty. it made me feel like im not free to express my opinion on my own blog. and it made me feel like im not free to ask others, who arent directly involved in the situation, for help. and that really sucks.

and as a last note: if you dont like what you read on here.. dont read it. nobody is forcing you to come to this site and read what i write. and if you want honesty from me- you will find it here. its my little world to express how i feel about whatever i need to get off my chest.

and yes jon, perhaps i should get a journal- but i cant ask people for help and their opinions in a journal. and thats what i love so much about blogging.

- jess.