helpless

lately i just feel really helpless. over half a year ago i couldn't stop the crash from happening. i couldn't stop the boy from going through the months of rehab just so he could do a simple thing like walk again. and currently, i cant stop the cancer from spreading through a dearly loved husband, father, and grandfather. i couldn't stop a son and brother from having this accident tonight. and i couldn't stop God from taking a little girl away from her family.

you see, the last one really shook me up. i didn't even know the one year old little girl. i didn't even know her parents. all i knew was that one day she was there and the next day she was gone. one day she was healthy and the next she wasn't. and when i found out she died, i just felt a tiny part of my heart die right along with her.

i've wanted to be a mom for quite a while. not right away, since i'm only seventeen, but definitely one day. and then i hear she died and suddenly i felt scared and sad and angry and just really, completely and utterly helpless.

i would sit in church just thinking about how hard it must be for her parents. one week their little girl is playing with her toys, sitting in her little chair at the table with her mommy and daddy, or even perhaps crying at night. and then the next week it's quiet. she's just gone.

i couldn't help but place myself in her mom's shoes and picture my little girl all of a sudden not being there. that all of a sudden i could sleep through the entire night because my little girl wasn't alive anymore to cry and wake me up. and yet if i were really in her mom's shoes, i know i wouldn't be able to sleep at all because i would be so lost and heartbroken without my baby.

the whole idea of losing my child scared me so badly that i told dan i didn't want to have kids anymore. i think me saying it to him hurt him. but at the time that's what i was really feeling. the idea of having a child, only to have it live for nine months terrified me. i know that i'm not strong enough to stand through that kind of pain; that kind of separation and hurt.

and i know that most of you who read this are going to tell me that when the time comes, God will be there. that if one day He decides to give me a child, only to take it back to Himself a short while later, that it's okay because it's His plan. that although it may not seem like it, He really does have a purpose for it. but honestly, right now i think i'm just so confused as to how it's even remotely fair of Him to pull this little girl away. she was eleven days shy of turning one. she was so young and yet He still felt the need to take her away? why does it always seem like it's either the real youngs ones or the most Godly people alive that suffer the most? how is that even fair?

new address

www.4thel0ve.wordpress.com

come visit :)

moving on

i hate how i haven't felt free to write on here anymore. i can't write my true thoughts because i know now that people read this and then get upset. and so, i've decided to stop writing on this blog. however, i am not completely giving up blogging. i have started a new blog- however, it has a new theme. it's my photography blog. with all my pictures that i take that i like.. and so, if you'd like to follow that one, feel free to ask me for the website address. and i'd love to give it to you.

email me @ country_girll211[at]hotmail[dot]com

see you all around!

ps. i will still be keeping up with your blogs :) dont worry! :)

gerbia daisies

daisies have always been my favorite flower. ever.

so today, when i saw these, i just couldn't pass them up.

-

and i bought them for my mom. and she loved them.

as did i.

so i took lots of pictures.. and decided to share some with you.

"let me out"

i've been feeling a little restless lately. i love my family and i love my home but lately i just want to get out. i want to have my own house and my own family. and i dont know if i even want it here. i want to go places, and see things. sometimes, i feel like just getting in my car and driving. driving to the first town that speaks out to me and says, "this is where you belong". of course, i suppose i cant do that. it has always been a dream though. maybe one day ill decide to do it, just for a few months or so.

so now, im trying to think of what i can do to stop this feeling.

i talked to mom. she said go on a vacation. yea but with who!? all my friends are either working or dont have the money to go. the only person i really want to see the world with is dan. but since we arent married, that doesnt exactally work. and it wouldnt exactally work to just marry him and then pack up and leave. i mean, we hardly have money. we arent even close to our $10,000 goal! so how on earth would that work?

then mom said to keep working and save money. she said maybe in the process you'll meet someone who will want to travel with you. or maybe the desire will pass. i doubt it. ive been wanting to "get out" for a while.

i feel stuck. stuck in the same old routine every single day. seeing the same people, doing the same things.

i dont know. whats your suggestions? have you ever felt like this before? and what did you do?

buddy and miller

im sitting here in this house- by myself. okay, okay. so im not completely by myself. i mean there are two dogs locked away in the garage for the night. and they have become my steady roomates lately. and in some ways i really do enjoy it. however, theres only so much i can take of two humongous dogs that insist on chasing rabbits in the field while i stand on the concrete walkway in my pj pants and hoodie. not to mention my bare feet since i was only planning on dashing out there to feed them for a quick second. yea, it gets just a tad bit chilly. or well, more like a whole lot chilly! and while i stand there yelling, "buddy!!! buuuuuddddyyy!!! BUDDY!" i think, o great. i am going to be late for work! great. just great! of course, im calling buddy and not miller because miller doesnt care at all and buddy is a sucker for attention. so im hoping he will desire some loving and come running back for a good pet or so. and perhaps, just maybe, miller will follow. of course, it doesnt work like that. thankfully, after about ten minutes of freezing my toes off on cold concrete, the dogs come back. not for me though. for the water in their bowls and the food in their dishes. and i happily lock them in their kennels and dash for the house. and the warm carpet there. and maybe a few seconds back under my blankets? cuz you know, im a tad late already. why not be a few more minutes late?! and after the whole ordeal, im stupid enough to walk out there the following morning (and every morning after that) in my pj pants, hoodie and oh! cant forget my bare feet, and im stupid enough to allow the dogs to come out of their kennel because i cant help but think maybe they wont take off today cuz i dont see no rabbits! and of course, miller having eagle eyes, spots one and takes off. and of course, i stand there again calling out for buddy and waiting rather impatiently for them to return to their daily staples.

the sad thing is- i actually enjoy it. and although im not too sure id ever want two dogs if i ever lived on my own, i wouldnt mind having at least one. a rottweiler perhaps? a loving rottweiler that wont go chasing rabbits because he will be too concerned about eating his food so he can get fat, and then sleeping.

yup, i enjoy this.

memories

rox. me. arnie. at a 'canes game!

canes vs kootney

cant help but miss working with them :)

** picture taken from arnie's website **

makes me smile :)

moki and i. 29.06.09

calgary stampede- july 7

yesterday= CALGARY STAMPEDE with jess and bill= great fun, lots of memories, and craziness :) then again, we dont usually do anything without the craziness :)

we started out our day by picking jess and bill up around twenty to nine. we were forty minutes late :) yay us! jess wouldnt let us get away with that though.. nor would she let us forget it. we headed out to calgary, taking the way that jess said was fastest. only her reasoning was odd and she said it was fast cuz dan has a radar detector. so she said, "you can drive like, 180 and not get caught cuz theres like.. hardly ever any police out here anyways!!" well, thankfully we didnt get caught- although dan didnt drive 180. im still not sure it was shorter though.. but we will go with her idea i suppose!

of course we had to grab some food at the first town we got to- after jess' crazy detour. we stopped at a&w for some yummy breakfast sandwiches and then continued our way.

once we got to calgary we parked the truck at the c-train station, bought some tickets, and boarded the c-train. it took us to the stampede park at fast kilometers per hour! and it was crowded. and it starts off fast and so you almost lose your balance.. im not cut out for that stuff.

anyways, once we got to the park we played a few games and won some stuffed teddies and such. we also walked through the animal barns...

...and took wonderful pictures of ourselves on cute little fake horses. dans "serious riding face" cracks me up. seriously! take a look at the next one.

of course i had to crop it from one of the pictures jess took of us. but this was another "serious riding face" and he was having fun being strange. and he was making us all laugh. so its all good :) oh i do recall him saying, "that better not end up on facebook, jessica!" does this count as facebook?! :)

we went to an arena to watch some horse acts and this was the show riders. they did all sorts of fancy maneuvers and so on with their horses and it was pretty cool.

and then there was a guy who came in with four pretty big horses. they were standing in groups of two, each group behind the next. and then he stood on the backs of the last two and had them walking around the arena and eventually galloping.. except it led to this:

what happened was, one of the horses he was standing on wiped out some how. i didnt see it. i just saw a horse on his back all of a sudden. however, the front four horses kept running and, since they didnt have anyone to control them, the front horse (the one on the right) ended up crashing into the fence. im not sure how he ended up with two legs on either side of the fence cuz quite honestly, when he crashed into that fence he looked like he was going to land on his back on the other side. but he managed to twist himself while falling and ended up like this. im happy to report that all the horses, as well as the rider, were okay! :)

next was the rodeo! the best part, basically. the part we really came for because, who goes to the stampede and not the rodeo!?! there was everything from riding bucking horses to roping calves and barrel racing and riding bulls. it was great and nobody got seriously injured.

just like last year, we got rain. so we ended up going out for supper. and thankfully, when we were done our supper, the rain was done raining. so we spent the remainder of our night watching performances around the park, playing a few more games, and even going on a ride! me agreeing to go on one ride of my choice with dan made him happy. mostly cuz i refused to go on any with him at first! im not a rides person. they make me feel sick :(

we had a wonderful day with the four of us! of course, jess has a bunch more pictures on her camera that ill have to try get a hold of one day. and i got more pictures on my camera too but i was just too plain old lazy to upload them all onto my computer and here. so these will have to do for now!

tonight i getta head to lee's house to help make wedding invitations! its going to be a great time im thinking :) and i cant wait. even if i dont getta see dan cuz of it.

ill be back at dans brother and s.i.l's place 2mrw.. his brother is heading back to the wack for gradmas 90th birthday! wow.

my phone situation is still down the tubes. still dont have a phone. i tried to get a new one and the guy said i could have $150 off! ... the fine print was i could have that off IF i renewed my contract for the full 3 years again. i dont think so mister! telus sucks!!

anyways, hope your all having a great week so far! i sure am :)

pausing to reflect

Sometimes life changes. But that doesn't mean you can't remember the old times- the good times. Today at lunch we sat around our dining room table, reminiscing. We all had our own memories- some different than eachothers, yet alot of them the same. Bringing up all of those memories made me smile. They made me happy. And they made a little piece of me wish I was young again. But the fact is: all these memories and events made me into the person I am today. And for that I am thankful. I never deserved to have those times and yet I was blessed with them. I'm not sure why because I know I certainly wasn't a good kid. In fact, I think I caused my parents alot of pain and hurt. Yet for some reason, God chose to bless me with a family that loves me. He chose to bless me with a constant home. He chose to bless us with food and water and with a bed on which we could lay our heads. He chose to bless me with friends that care about me and that also love me. And He chose to keep me relatively healthy. And for that I truely am thankful!

THIS is what summer is ALL about =)

our internet took a down fall a while ago. quite a while ago actually- or well, so it seems. since then, ive been enjoying my summer. ill be honest. i havent been taking as many pictures as i could have been. however, i did manage to get a few here and there. ill be sure to carry my camera around more often so that i wont miss any more great memories on film =)

till then.. heres some pictures.

rox, mel and mich at their word and deed baseball tournament. our group of friends started a team up and their color ended up being the totally "awesome" color of hot pink! who DOESNT want that colour!?! :P anyways, their team didnt win any games but never the less they did really good and are still playing games against a nrc team every tuesday night. and thats making for even more great summer night memories :)

taking the boat out has been another "constant" through-out our summer so far. we've been doing everything from tubing to knee boarding behind that boat.. not to mention getting thrown off our tubes and knee boards! but hey, its fun :)

and that, by the way, is chels and moki. moki is dan's brother. and chels is her crazy but great best friend :)

this was just friday. its moki and i pigging out on food at a restaurant after dans grad. ♥

mr. grumpy pants and his sister :) on his grad.

so monday night i slept over at dan's brother and sister-in-law's place and tuesday afternoon i gotta watch his niece as his s.i.l. cleaned her bathrooms :) so i took some pictures as "K" played in her little swimming pool. isnt she the cutest little girl EVER?! :)

i think she's going to be a heart-breaker one day!

so yea, to me- this is what summer is all about!

friends. family. sun. swimming. boating. bbq's. laughs and walks. ♥

in response to anonymous

ahh finally back online :) our internet at home is down and so im at dan's brother and s.i.l's place. not just to use their internet- dont worry!

** remainder of post (in regards to previous post) deleted on july 6, 2009. go here for details**

friends and alcohol

**edited july 6, 2009**

i realize what an "up-roar" i caused with the post that was previously posted on this page. honestly, i had no intentions of "preaching" or pushing my rules and views on any of you. i had no intentions of hurting people or making them angry, and i definitely didnt intend to put people against me or to offend anyone. after having that post up for a few weeks and getting three anonymous commenters telling me where me and my thoughts could go, i decided to remove the post.

i realize that perhaps it wasnt my business and that maybe i should have kept my mouth shut. in my defence, i had no idea you guys even read my blog. its totally fine that you do- i was merely seeking help from others who read my blog and arent directly involved in the situation.

despite the fact that im removing the post, i am not taking those opinions back. i would have brought it up to your face, (like a few of you suggested i should have done) but quite honestly i feel i would have gotten a similar response. and i didnt really have any idea how to bring it up.

i think it was rather rude to suggest to me that i need to find new friends. and it was also rude of some of you to act all nice and friendly to my face and talk bad about me behind my back. people, if your so mad at me, why are you acting like im your friend? the only person who i can say did not do this was jon. and as weird as this may sound, im glad he didnt act all friendly to my face. i mean, yea of course it hurt that he acted like that to me, but at least i knew he was mad.

michelle and i were discussing it at work and our manager over heard. she pulled me aside and said, "jess, i know that right now having all your friends upset with you and telling you to find new friends may hurt and seem like a real crappy situation. but in a few years you'll look back and be glad that it happened because from this all, you'll figure out who you can trust and who your real friends are". and you know what?! she couldnt have been more right.

to anonymous 3: sure, people come up to you and say what a nice group it is and all that nice stuff. but they dont know the inside of the group. they dont know the dirt that really happens in the group. they dont know about the back stabbing, the chosing, the gossip, the drinking, the swearing.. all that stuff. right? and yes, every group has that. but dont try to butter the group up and make them sound all innocent and perfect. nobody comes even close to that!

if you all want to remain mad at me for this- okay. i once said i didnt ever want to be on the bad side of "the group" because they could be so rude and mean. well them being rude and mean was true. however, i think perhaps being on the bad side of it for a week or however long was maybe even good for me. it made me realize what kind of people i was actually spending time with. it made me think. and it made me force myself to stand behind my words, despite the fact that it was making people angry.

all in all, i decided losing friends over this wasnt worth it- although it did make me think and realize that perhaps some of you just arent worth trying over. maybe you all should think about this: if you have no problem talking bad about someone with other people in "the group", how do you know they arent talking bad about you behind your back?!

i hope removing this post has made you all happy. honestly, deleting it made me feel shitty. it made me feel like im not free to express my opinion on my own blog. and it made me feel like im not free to ask others, who arent directly involved in the situation, for help. and that really sucks.

and as a last note: if you dont like what you read on here.. dont read it. nobody is forcing you to come to this site and read what i write. and if you want honesty from me- you will find it here. its my little world to express how i feel about whatever i need to get off my chest.

and yes jon, perhaps i should get a journal- but i cant ask people for help and their opinions in a journal. and thats what i love so much about blogging.

- jess.

lalala, lalala, lalalalala ohhhh!

the last few days have been smudged into one big blur of memories. happy memories, that is. or well, mostly happy :) i worked every day so far this week which, to be honest- got to be slightly tiring. 'specially when you got a concussion. a self-proclaimed concussion that is ;) hey! its not just pulled out of my hat. its quite the possibility. i just havent had it doctor diagnosed yet. just jessica diagnosed :) and it happened at work, of all places. in between the two soup and sandwich stations is a cooler which contains all the meats, cheeses and cream cheese, etc. so anyways, i was on my side and i was leaning across the cooler to grab something. and this guy i work with was on his side and didnt see that i was leaning down in there cuz well, theres a shelf above it. so his view was blocked. now as a side note, these cooler lids are hard to close. as in, i always have to basically punch them hard in order to get it un-stuck. and i guess thats close to what he did. and he let it fall. on my head. and it really hurt. of course, he felt horrible and when he said sorry a bazillion times i just kept saying, "its fine!" and laughing so that i wouldnt cry. i felt like my head had officially split in two and that my brains (whatever was there in the beginning anyways..) had all toppled out. oh well. so yes, my reasoning behind this concussion is logical :) right?

anyhow, im not the only one with problems. dan had an ingrown toenail that he took to the walk-in clinic to get fixed yesterday. the doctor took a knife and made about four cuts and now dan has a disgusting chunk of skin missing and its covered in blood and yea.. gross. so we're a very... unhealthy(?!) couple right now. go us!

yesterday i helped his sister-in-law pack a few boxes. theyre moving to a new house tomorrow.. i think shes pretty excited. i definitely would be. minus the packing, cleaning, un-packing, more cleaning part. which i guess is basically all of it. im pretty skilled at moving, considering ive moved four times. of course, i was young for at least two of those times. and i only really remember packing myself for the last time. well okay.. not packing myself. i meant packing my stuff all by myself. it makes me proud :) of myself lol

today we went out with amy and mr. x. he will remain nameless until further happenings. if happenings occur.. we shall see. anyways, we went bowling :) i lost both times. not to worry. i had fun. and bowled like a "cool kid". as in a sat on the ground and bowled between my legs. yup, im cool :) and had fun being cool too! then we went to tim hortons and then yea.. the rest is history ;) ill post pictures one day. when i get them from her. (i forgot my camera :( bad me.)

2mrw is the word and deed baseball tourny. M1 and M2 are both playing in it. so maybe ill go cheer them on. else i could always go help the "s.i.l 2 be" go move. itll be fun cuz im guessing the entire family will be there. yay for family :)

amy just updated her status to: amy ... had an awesome time tonight :) yay for awesome friends!!! glad she had fun :) so did i! now im off to get the entire scoop from her and then off to bed.

night y'all!

a quick note to jen

dear jen
i miss you
come home!
please?
love jess

ps. cant wait till the 24th :)

diy from design*sponge

i saw this neat idea on a blog i read occasionally. it has lots of diy projects and before and afters of people's houses and furniture and other things like that. ive even told you about it before here. anyways, so i found this and just thought id share it with you. if you'd like to find out more, go check it out. and if you end up making something like this, definitely let me know! :) enjoy!!

a quick note to amy

amy

i wanted to write something about how extremely excited i am that you're out here for good now and about how happy i am that you may have finally found a good person, and not a complete jerk. but after starting this post like.. three times, i decided to just write this instead. and then let you know that we must go out and do something some time super soon so that i can tell you in person exactly how glad i am about everything for you :) i really hope that now that you're living out here, we can become the best friends we once were- all over again. this summer wasnt looking so promising until i realized that you're going to be out here for all of it!! and that just made me smile :)

so.. lets hangout. soon. and lets start making memories. again. and lets make all our dreams come true. together.

love jess

ps. you should try blogging instead of just reading my blog :P

ill even let you use mine if you wanna try for a while.. :)

and so, here i am

dan has lots of family. im not even talking about his aunts, uncles, cousins, cousins kids etc.. im talking about his immediate family. his family has nine kids, dan being one of them. his parents have six girl grandchildren and then the two boy grandchildren- twins at that. so you can imagine that with all those little kids, i get quite the babysitting jobs sometimes.

take now for instance. im sitting at his brother and sister-in-laws place. the three kids are in bed. not quite sleeping, since i can hear one of the boys playing with the blinds beside his bed.

im not 100% sure what im going to be doing while his brother and s.i.l are out voting wither or they want uniforms or no.. in fact, i have ZERO idea. but dans on his way and i suppose sooner or later we will end up watching a movie or so. or perhaps whichever boy is awake will wake the other one (since they share a room) and then we will have our hands full. especially if they wake up their sister. that cud turn out real interesting!

well.. here's dan. wish us luck!! :)

**/edited june 16, 2009/**

last night sure did turn out interesting. to say the least! twin #1 started crying. loudly. so i snuck in their to give him his bottle. except then twin brother #2 also wakes up and together they send out a chorus of loud wailing. dan just stood by the door, cringing with his hands over his ears. when i ran out of that room he gave me a look that was 100% i told you so. of course, they ended up waking their sister, who, when i went to check on her, started crying and wanted her mom. great. just great. of course, when i told her that she had to go back to sleep, she just cried harder. and eventually she threw up. on purpose. yum. eventually dan and i decided that enough was enough so we put her in bed, told her to stop crying, and went downstairs. it didnt work. half an hour later she was still crying. so i went back up there and the minute i stepped in her room, i wanted to run. it smelt horribly. she had barfed all over her bed, pj's and hair. so i called dan and after much coaxing he came up to help me. he took the sheets off while his niece sat on the floor with this pleased as punch look on her face. brat. i found some new sheets and a quilt and re-made her bed. then dan suggested a bath. within half a second flat her pants were off and she was standing by the bathtub, waiting for us to fill it for her. she loves baths. after an hour and a half of sitting in bubbles that are "proven to help children sleep easier".. we pulled the plug. dan kept asking her, "when are you coming out of the bath". and she would look up at him and say, "when theres no more water!" in this cute voice. so finally he pulled the plug while her back was turned. and then for the rest of the night she sat there watching a movie with us. she absolutely refused to go to bed, despite the fact that she was basically asleep on the couch. man is she stubborn!!

so yea.. me not knowing what i was going to do while the kids slept turned into a me wishing the kids had kept sleeping. and me wishing i had listened to dan and let twin #1 just cry himself to sleep. maybe then dans niece would have continued to sleep!

oh well. i am now richer than i would have been had i been sitting at home.

and i still want kids :)

so does dan. but he said he only wants one at a time (lol) and one that listens to him extremely well.

dont we all?! :)

june 12- mini roadtrip

instead of giving me a birthday present, dan decided to take me on a mini road trip to waterton on june 12th- our 15 month dating anniversary :) so, around lunch time on said date, dan came to pick me up and we headed out to waterton. we drove through prairie and native reserve and through the foothills before the mountains and finally, the mountains. and- just because- i sat in the middle of the truck the whole way up there :) talk about romantic! ;) oh. and i totally ate chips that he thought smelt and tasted gross. so he refused to kiss me. not so romantic. but hey, doesnt mean i didnt try to steal a kiss or two!

anyways. this is cameron lake. it was our first destination. its a lake approximately 10 miles from the town of waterton. its way up in the mountains. and, there was still ice! dan figured the water was no more than 1 degree! and only that because the whole lake wasnt ice- just near shore. and it was kinda slushy ice. a man even kayaked through it.

on our way back from cameron lake, we came across a bear! dont worry. we were in our truck. MY truck! (i wish.) i was pretty excited that i saw a brown bear. but dan insists that it wasnt a brown bear. it was a "cinnamon black bear". sheesh! technicalities aside, i saw a bear :)

and we also saw a mountain goat. which dan claims was a "nice goat" and if he would have been able to hunt within the park, this one would be no more. hunters these days!

next stop- boat tour. i got to be seventeen years old again since it was half price ($17.00 for 17 and under, $34 for 18 and up! crazy!). the tour took approximately two hours and it went from one end of the lake (in waterton, alberta) to the other end (in goat haunche, montana!). it was pretty cool. the only bummer was we didnt really see any exciting wild life. as in, no bears or moose :( oh well.

during our 25 minute stop over in goat haunche, we took a picture of us on the beach :) i had a great idea that, since this was the last boat tour of the day, we should just "accidentally" miss the boat and stay there for the night. that was until dan showed me the proof that a bear had been very close in the area not too long ago. then i decided there was no way i was staying there for the night.

after the boat we went for supper at a lounge so we could watch the stanley cup game. or well, part of it. (wasnt that hot pink suit NASTY!?!!) i had a blt which was basically just the "l" since half of it had no "b" and half a piece of "t" while the other part had the "b" "l" and "t". 'twas odd but yummy :) i love small towns. we went for a walk after supper to get some ice cream and there was a radio guy doing his radio show live there so there was live music outside and it was just so peaceful and cool and "close knit".

after our walk we drove up to red rock canyon. the mosquitos there caused us only to stay long enough to get like.. four pictures. i decided to share this one with you :)

and finally we pulled out of waterton, making two more stops on our way home. our first stop was to the "bison enclosure". its a huge fenced in area between the foothills and you can just drive in and see the buffalo's in their natural habitats. its cool. we found a herd of at least twenty grazing by a small lake of water. and then we found this buffalo and his friend taking a snooze elsewhere. lucky me got this great picture just as he looked up to check us out :)

our final stop of the day was at the old man resivoire. theres a HUGE dam there and the water level difference on either side of the dam is quite amazing. and shocking.

by the time we made it home we were both quite tired and ready for some sleep. the day was great though. one i would definitely like to repete.

not only did i get to spend an entire day with dan.. i also got to cross one more thing off my "thirty till may 2010" list. :)

a replacement for the withered

i bought these roses for my mom for mother's day a while back and she was so happy with them :) she still has them, despite the fact that they're dead and all bent over. she still keeps them in her white vase on the coffee table. however, last week thursday was my payday. i took my cheque to the bank, took out enough money for my mom that i am now out of debt!!! and then went to pick a new boquet of flowers out for my mom. now her dead roses have been moved to the side table (she claims she doesnt have the heart to throw them out!) and her new ones dominate the coffee table.

i absolutely love that last picture :) and i love my mom! ♥

mini road-trip

jessica is going on a mini road-trip today with dan!

ill have pictures for you some time soon! :)

stephanie fay

meet stephanie fay. not only is she gorgeous, but shes extremely talented at photography. i was reading j*'s blog when i found the link to stephanie fay's. i clicked on it and almost immediately fell in love with her style of photography. check out these amazing pictures of hers:

from what ive gathered she specializes in weddings but also does pregnancy photos, baby photos and just any time photos. whatever the case is, they're all unique and pretty cool!

from this couple's photo series, this one wasnt my favorite. however, i wanted to show to you the setting of the picture. that blue dumpster. thats what i love about her pictures. she has photo shoots in some of the oddest, most strangest places ever!

i love the boldness of that blue wall and the contrast of the more modern color with the old window :)

go check out stephanie fay on her blog!

www.stephaniefayblog.com

a pictureful june 09

i woke up, happy i had a day off and had the chance to sleep in. like usual, i had no plans for my day. however, when sitting at breakfast with dad, mom and oma, i learned that dad and oma were planning on going for a drive out west. i asked mom if she was going but she said she didnt feel like sitting in the back all day and not being able to really hear the dutch conversation taking place in the front. so i thought about it for a few seconds and then thought, hey why dont i go too?!. so once that was decided, the four of us packed up and headed out with the plan of being home by 3:30pm.

so we went to this lake (i have no idea what its called) and drove around the campgrounds there, talking about which site we would use if we ever pull our trailer up there for a weekend. mom wanted the ones closer to the lake. dad wanted one higher up the mountain so that he could have "a view"! i told dad there was no way i was going to bike down a mountain to the lake and then bike all the way back up just for his view!"

i just had to get a picture of dad with his hat on sideways. it was so the brim of the hat would cover his ear (he just had surgery on it). but still.. it looked kinda funny :)

on our way out of the park we saw a deer at a watering hole. turns out there were four more on the other side of the road. and later another buck joined him. so we literally sat there for like, twenty minutes...

... before this moose came crashing in!! so we ended up sitting there approximately another twenty minutes, hoping that maybe a bear would come join them?! no such luck. so we left. but hey, you never know! dad said theres bears in those woods!

then at night.. oma decided to take us out to tony romas again for supper! except this time shane even joined us :) we took pictures again..

i promise dan and i arent the only weird ones!!! i mean hey, look at this:

told ya ;)

all in all it was quite a wonderful day! despite the fact that it was kinda rainy. i even more my wonderful rain boots :) and then a guy pointed at them and goes to his girlfriend, "look at her stupid boots! i hope u never wear something like that!!" haha it made me happy :) i like my boots. besides, dan said her shirt was super low so that everyone could see her tattoo going down into who knows where! and he said "i hope you never ever do something or wear something like THAT!" so there lady! :P

have a great day!

turning eighteen

monday: i had zero birthday plans. i figured that five of my friends were out of town anyways and that, since oma was out from holland, i would just spend my birthday at home with the family, dan and possibly shane.

tuesday: dan and i decided to go to coco pazzo (an italian restaurant) for supper. we decided to text whoever was left in town to see if they wanted to join us.

thursday: made reservations for twenty!!!

saturday: eighteen people showed up to celebrate my eighteenth birthday!! :)

june 6, 2009. michelle, melanie, connie, me, jacqueline

i realized once again just how lucky i am to have such amazing friends!

id like to thank everyone who showed up as well as thank the many people who sent my birthday wishes :)

the diy revealed! (just for you, jacinda!)

so.. its not completely done. as in it still needs to be secured together properly. but i decided to just go ahead and tell you what it is anyways :) only because jacinda said she hates suspense :P so im being nice to her! :)

so what do you get when you take this pile of supplies..

and this special piece of board, painted black?

you get this:

a chalkboard set into a door frame!!!

thats right! the black paint is actually special chalkboard paint from the benjamin moore paint store. and it works wonders :)

not to mention how lucky i was finding this door frame for only $7!!

its second hand and needs some touch ups on the stain in areas such as the hinges and where the door knob use to be. but you cant complain about a $7.00 door frame. not even a little bit!

now all thats left to do is put trim on the back of the chalkboard, which will hold it in place. and then re-stain the door, taking special care to cover the inside of the door knob hole, and the bare hinged areas.

so.. what do you think!? you going to make one now?!?!

ill be honest. i stole this idea from somewhere else. from here:

and im still debating wither or not i want to paint the frame a different color.. but now you at least know what it is :) ill share the final pictures once i get it completely finished. im not promising it will be soon tho!

as for tonight, its lee's engagement party. and i get to take lots of pictures. she asked me if i could take pictures of all sorts of their wedding things for her. for memories cuz she'll be too busy to stop and take pictures. i said "id love to!" and i totally would love to. it even gave me a wedding gift idea. but in case she reads this, i wont say what the idea was :P

and today, june 3rd, im thankful for life. not only for my own life, but for the life of these little guys:

arent they just adorable?!