out there

it was during a game of twenty-one questions that dan asked me the following question: if you could go anywhere by yourself, where would you go? now normally i would have said arizona, or iowa or nevada, or perhaps even hawaii. but i didnt. my decision was swayed that day to ontario. im not 100% sure but at the same time i have an idea as to why.

facebook (which i had intended to quit but, due to my low levels of self discipline, am still on) allows me to talk to my friends back in ontario. of course, it's not the only source but it is a major tool that i use for that purpose.

my graduation is in a few days over a month. back in ontario, my former classmates are also planning their grad. but i wont be there. i wont get to stand up there with them and i wont get to see the pretty dress that est will be wearing. i wont get to smile out on this huge crowd full of people i've grown up surrounded by. instead, ill be graduating with a new class. one that i love equally as much, if not more, but that doesnt contain those people i miss.

out there is the potential for new memories with those people. that potential sits locked away, awaiting the day i return there for a short visit. awaiting the day someone decides to come visit me. simply awaiting.

back then everything seemed so simple. "obviously" i'd be going to the frc church for the rest of my life. "obviously" id marry a guy from that same church. "obviously" id grow up happily in lynden with all my childhood friends. "obviously" i would continue working at the greenhouse along-side bre and her dad. "obviously" we'd hangout together every saturday until we had boyfriends. and then, "obviously" we'd go on double dates. "obviously" kelly would always be there with a smile, joke and hug. "obviously" j.e.b. would rein forever!

and yet, all those "obviously's" arent anything anymore. it's all back there in ontario.

dont get me wrong. i love alberta. i absolutely do! but there are so many things out there that make me wish i could be there, even just for a day.

since my family has moved, three of my cousins have gotten married. i wasnt at any of those weddings. since i moved two of my cousins have had babies (one of them has had two already!) and one is expecting her second. i havent met them yet. out there spring banquets are happening without me. grad plans are being made without me.

yes, if i could go anywhere right now, it would be ontario. just to visit. just to be there, again.